Its nearly time to close this chapter of my life for a while. I am officially flying my last trip for this airline right now. I am sitting in my hotel room in Newark, NJ and am about to go to bed shortly. Tonight is the last night that I will spend away from home for quite sometime to come. Tomorrow morning, I will rise at 4:15am for a 2 leg flying day. Its back to Washington DC, then back to St. Louis.

Once I arrive back to base, I need to make a quick trip to the crash pad to pick up the remaining few items that I am bringing home. Then it is back to the airport to swing by the flight manager’s office to drop off all company materials and sign the dotted line. Obviously, I am required to turn in my company ID, which officially changes my status from a CASS approved airline pilot to a mere passenger. Oh well. However, I am equipped with a buddy pass which should suffice to get me home the last time.

Is there a little bit of sweet sorrow? Yes. However, I am in such a better position than I was in before to judge the situation and feel that this is the right decision on many levels. Occasionally, I wonder to myself ‘WTF’ I am doing? I’ve worked so hard to achieve this position and I am throwing it all away!

But, am I?

My answer is no. I have logged 1,050 hours of multi engine jet experience and have learned and experienced so many things that will stay in my skill set and logbook. I’ve also learned and experienced the airline pilot lifestyle. One cannot truly understand the intricacies of it without actually living it, the seniority system, the bidding system, the union struggles, the picketing, the mentality of the gate agents and rampers, the “chuminess” with fellow pilots, the discussions of the meaning of life while hurdling through the air for hours on end, etc. This job is a really great JOB and I have earned the ability to do it by building the initial experience and will continue to possess that going forth should I decide to pursue it again. But, it is a horrible CAREER choice. It really is. Its very difficult on marriages, family life, provides little job security, professional advancement based entirely on luck and not personal merit, and other factors outside of our sphere of control (fuel prices, 9/11, etc). And, from a guy who has done it, I will say, very sanely and with a clear and sharp mind, that it is VERY mind numbing. Every flight is the same as the last. There are no problems to solve. The only hope of something new is if something goes wrong. So we hope for a boring day! Its just climb, cruise, descent, climb, cruise, descent, ad nauseum.

As for the career, I think of it as a balanced equation or when you are playing a 1st person shoot em’ up video game where you increase one characteristic, “stamina” for example, and thus lose abilities in another characteristic….you know what I am talking about. With this job, I could lose any combination of things so long as the other traits increase. I can deal with low pay. No problem. But give me some days off. I can deal with minimal days off. No problem. But give me some pay!! I can even lose both of these things, so long as an upgrade was within sight and thus the silver lining on the clouds leading to a better life (a job with a major airline or a great pilot corporate position). I could even do without all three of these things if I didn’t have to commute and was treated like a worthy and valuable asset to the company. However, in these times and at this company, in a sea of negatives, the only bright spot is the fact that I get to fly often. It is this single positive trait that has kept me here this long.

With a lifetime of opportunities ahead, a beautiful wife that I barely deserve, two dogs that are very dear to my heart, two cats (notice no additional adjectives), a nice home, a Jeep that just wants to be driven, this life is what I make of it. I have decided that my happiness isn’t going to come from a job or an airplane, it is going to come from within myself. Life must constantly be created to make it interesting. One downside of the piloting profession is that the creation aspect is mostly absent.

Choosing a noble path, then throwing myself into it whole heartedly (as I have done with professional aviation) and working up my competence level and marketability will serve the purpose of exchange with the world to live here. Besides that, I am going to focus more on what really LIVING is all about.

I’ve got a very difficult year ahead for 2009. Its going to be one for the history books. But, I firmly believe that the benefits to be had are levels ahead of where I would be if I merely continued upon this same path, even if part of me is slightly dejected over the idea of walking away. I wish it had worked out. But life throws you lemons and I believe I am making lemonade. I don’t have much invested into this company right now and the ship is sinking. I must constantly remind myself that the bridge is still there to walk should I decide to do so. That, is being in control.

I will always be a pilot ahead of most other things. I have secured a position with a local flight school and am very excited about teaching aviation to students again and being the best flight instructor possible. This position will keep me in the air enough to keep sane and will provide some extra money to help with bills while in school.

I’ve decided to exert about 10% of my total brain power on promoting myself in aviation, networking, learning new things, blogging about it on this site, and communicating with others in the field. If I do nothing, it’ll die and I’ll find myself sitting at a desk buried in tax returns and out of currency. The fire must be constantly fueled and this is my task going forth…..

Even though this airline job is over tomorrow, I am just getting started with aviation. When the wheels hit the ground tomorrow at the end of that last leg, I will remember that my last day here is the first day of the rest of my life and that a world of opportunity awaits me, ready for earning. In fact, I’ve got two instructional flights scheduled for my first day back home. So I am going right back up there to do my thing the very next day.

And it is sort of symbolically interesting that my last day here falls on a Monday.

That is how I can walk away smiling.

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 13th, 2008 at 11:09 pm and is filed under Airline Life, Career Advancement. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.